Debbie & Tina – Episode 5: “Stuffed”
Thanksgiving is about gratitude, family, and barely-contained emotional warfare.

[Cold Open]
INT. DEBBIE’S KITCHEN – MORNING
Debbie is already three glasses of boxed wine in, wearing a sequined “Gobble Til You Wobble” apron. She’s stuffing a turkey while aggressively listening to a true crime podcast about pilgrims.

DEBBIE
(to herself)
If these people knew how to season things, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

Tina enters, holding a meditation pillow and a bag of groceries labeled “Gluten-Free Gratitude Loaf.”

TINA
Mom, it’s not a real turkey unless it had childhood trauma and a colon.

DEBBIE
Oh good. You're early enough to judge everything I do.

[Part One: “The Gathering Storm”]
Guests begin arriving:

• Uncle David brings a cooler filled with light beer and opinions on the economy.

• Aunt Carol brings an unsolicited jello salad and deep, unblinking eye contact.

• Tina’s ex, Marco, shows up with Phoenix, his new spiritual girlfriend who speaks only in chakras.

PHOENIX
I brought a sacred yam. It was blessed by a monk in Topanga.

DEBBIE
I was blessed by a bartender in Pasadena. Shall we compare notes?

[Part Two: “Dinner is Served (and So Is the Tea)”]
Tensions rise as everyone goes around the table saying what they’re thankful for.

• Tina says “Boundaries”

• Debbie says “Fiber”

• Uncle David says “The Second Amendment”

• Phoenix says “The Moon’s Ascending Womb”

• Carol just whispers “Revenge”

Tina and Debbie get into a quiet argument that escalates into a full-on shouting match about “emotional labor” vs. “brining.”

[Part Three: “The Wishbone Break”]
Debbie and Tina are outside on the porch post-meal. The house behind them is a warzone of spilled gravy and political microaggressions. They break a wishbone together.

TINA
What’d you wish for?

DEBBIE
Silence. And for you to stop dating people named after Roman conquerors.

TINA
I wished you’d let me live my own life.

They sit quietly. A hint of peace.
Also, I hid edibles in the yams. Just thought you should know.

[Post-Credit Scene]
Uncle David and Phoenix are inexplicably doing yoga together on the front lawn, surrounded by raccoons eating leftovers.

PHOENIX
Your third eye is…squinting.

UNCLE DAVID
That’s just indigestion.

​

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​

Episode 12: “Debbie and Tina: Switched at Snark”

Cold Open:

Tina is hexing her coffee for “maximum spite and minimum consequence.”
Debbie is pruning her portal-topiaries and muttering about neighborhood vibrations being “too loud lately.”

Suddenly—
A mysterious meteorite crashes between their homes.
It hums. It sparkles.
It’s labeled “Plot Device – DO NOT TOUCH.”

Naturally, they both touch it at the same time.

FLASH. THUNDER.
POOF.

They’ve swapped bodies.

DEBBIE (in Tina’s body):
“My pants are ripped! On purpose!”

TINA (in Debbie’s body):
“…Why do I crave cottage cheese and power?”

ACT 1:

Tina-as-Debbie starts sabotaging HOA meetings from the inside.

“Motion to replace all bylaws with interpretive dance.”

She also discovers how powerful passive-aggression can be when weaponized with administrative authority.

Debbie-as-Tina starts cleansing the house with lemon spray and yelling at crystals to align themselves “like decent citizens.”

She tries to flirt with her barista using voter registration forms.

BARISTA:
“Did you just try to register me and ask me out in the same sentence?”

DEBBIE (as Tina):
“I’m a multitasker.”

ACT 2:

Both begin accidentally helping each other’s lives.

• Tina discovers that Debbie’s anxiety is rooted in feeling unheard.

• Debbie realizes Tina’s chaos is her armor for being deeply intuitive and weirdly wise.

They meet up at the park (still swapped),
have a heartfelt chat that accidentally opens a wormhole into their subconscious.

Inside?
They find their inner Stuxes guiding them home with honks and flashcards.

ACT 3:

They wake up — back in their own bodies.
Wendy is sitting between them, tail wagging, like she knew all along.

TINA:
“Okay, but your hip really clicks. Get that checked.”

DEBBIE:
“And your hair is basically alive. I lost two pens in there.”

They both grin.
Almost friends.
Almost.

Post-Credit Scene:

The meteorite?
Now in Mekai's possession.

Cut to: Stux and Wendy watching from afar.

STUX:
“Oh no.”

DONUT:
“Oh yes.”

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🐷 UNCLE DAVID’S FREEDOM BBQ™

“If it ain’t burnt, it ain’t freedom.”

Narrator Voiceover (gravelly, patriotic twang):
Are you tired of food that tastes like feelings? Come on down to Uncle David’s BBQ — where the meat’s red, the sauce is blue, and the chicken voted Republican!
We don’t do “plant-based” here unless it’s planted in the dirt and fed with American pride.

Featuring:

• 38 types of pork (all dry-rubbed with Constitution Dust™)

• Freedom Fries hand-cut by our in-house veteran

• A secret sauce so thick it legally counts as a firearm

🎇 Every Thursday night: Open carry, open mic.
💥 Every Sunday: All-you-can-meat with a side of unsolicited political opinions.
🦅 Uncle David’s BBQ — where smoke meets the Second Amendment.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------'Episode 4: “Ballots and Bad Decisions”

Cold Open:
The Multiversal Elections are happening.
Posters, portals, and propaganda everywhere.

• Stux is registered as an independent candidate
  (his platform is "honesty, naps, and snacks for all")

• Steven is on the ballot somehow despite never declaring

• Debbie is all in for Glerk M. Voidgut, a power-hungry politician who promises “ORDER THROUGH PERMANENT HOLIDAY LIGHTS AND PROPERTY TAX IN EVERY DIMENSION.”

ACT 1:

Tina rolls her eyes at all the voting signs.

TINA:
“I don’t vote. It’s all just interdimensional theater.”

DEBBIE:
“That’s exactly what they want you to think! If you’d read the platform, you’d see he’s promising universal composting and mandatory gratitude circles!”

TINA:
“Debbie, he literally said last week he’s going to bulldoze every dog park in the galaxy.”

DEBBIE:
“He’s strong on enforcement.”

ACT 2:

Tina tries to go about her week but keeps getting targeted by Glerk’s political ads.

They appear:

• On her coffee foam.

• In her dreams.

• Inside the reflection of her third eye.

Meanwhile, Debbie becomes a campaign volunteer.
Starts canvassing… with STICKERS.
And a clipboard that emits guilt.

DEBBIE (door-knocking):
“Hi, have you considered embracing eternal moderation?”

ACT 3:

A protest breaks out in the cul-de-sac.
Tina hosts a “non-voting dance party for chaotic neutrals.”
Debbie tries to shut it down with temporal zoning codes.

Then…

The politician, Glerk M. Voidgut, arrives in person.
He’s just a writhing suit filled with vague menace and silly straws.
Everyone screams.

Stux jumps in front of him with a sign that just says: “NOPE.”

Glerk blinks and implodes into a puff of lavender mist.

Closing Scene:

Tina sips wine.

TINA:
“Still not voting. But I do like the fireworks.”

Debbie, begrudgingly:

“Maybe next time I’ll read past the first three scrolls…”

Steven floats by in a crown.

“I won. By the way.”

Post-Credit Scene:

Stux at a podium:
Wearing tiny glasses, he says nothing.
Then gently knocks over the microphone.

Crowd erupts in cheers.

THE END.

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“Welcome to the top. No feelings allowed.”

Narrator (testosterone-drenched, overly intense):
Hey loser. Yeah, you. Still sleeping eight hours a night? Still drinking water like some kind of civilian? Time to bison up.
At Alpha Academy™, we teach you to win arguments by yelling, bench press your trauma, and gaslight your way to greatness.

Courses include:

• Protein Shake Philosophy

• Advanced Crypto Speculation

• Yelling at Women 101 (with guest speaker Buck Bisonhardt himself)

• “If You Cry, You Die”: Emotional Repression for Beginners

🔥 Free with enrollment:

• A tactical beard oil sample

• Access to the “Top G Chat Cave” Discord

• A t-shirt that says “NOPE” in massive letters

ALPHA ACADEMY™ — Because therapy is for betas.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER "IF SHE CRIES, YOU WON THE ARGUMENT!"

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Episode 22: “The Departure Frequency”

(Season Finale)

Cold Open:

Tina receives a holographic job offer from a vibe-based startup collective in another dimension called "GlowCore.”

It’s pitched as a dream job:

• Lead Frequency Curator

• Unlimited sage bundles

• A floating office on a crystal reef

• Company-sponsored moon journaling

Debbie’s immediately suspicious.

DEBBIE:
“They’re offering you stock in an emotion. That’s not a job, that’s a pyramid scheme with glitter.”

TINA:
“It’s not glitter, it’s ascension dust.”

DEBBIE:
“It’s going to give your chakras pinkeye.”

Cue theme song.

ACT 1: TENSION

Tina packs her things.

Debbie huffs.
Pretends she doesn’t care.
But she’s visibly cleaning everything twice to avoid feeling anything.

DEBBIE (to herself):
“She’ll be back. They always come back when they realize there’s no coffee in other dimensions.”

Meanwhile, Tina tells Baby Quack:

TINA:
“It’s time. I need space to expand.
I love her but… not everything broken needs to be glued together.”

ACT 2: GOODBYES

Wendy nuzzles Tina at the portal.
Donut gives her a donut-shaped crystal “for protection.”
Stux just blinks twice and turns away.

Debbie doesn’t show up.
Or so Tina thinks.

Cut to Debbie—watching from the window.
Tears in her eyes.
Muttering:

“Fine. Fly away, birdbrain.”

She walks inside.
Alone.
House is too quiet.
No weird herbal smoke.
No poetry taped to the fridge.

ACT 3: THE MOMENT

Night falls.

Debbie is folding laundry (angrily, obviously).
She sits on the couch.
Looks around.
Silence.

And then…
the door creaks open.

She turns.
Freezes.

It’s Tina.

Backpack on one shoulder.
Mascara a little smudged.
Holding a takeout bag.

TINA:
“They paid me in emotional stock options.
It turned into sand.
Also…
I missed the chaos here.”

Debbie stares for a moment.

Then quietly:

“I saved your spot on the couch.
You still can’t use the remote.”

Tina smirks.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

They sit.
Eat silently.
Together.

Cue end credits.
Soft music.
Snapshots of their weirdest season moments.
Slow zoom out of the little house glowing softly in a dimension full of noise.

Post-Credit Scene:

GlowCore collapses in on itself.
Snax watches from afar, sipping a galaxy milkshake.

SNAX:
“Love wins. Capitalism doesn’t.”

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Episode 8: “Debbie Day”

Cold Open:

Debbie wakes up at 5:42 AM sharp.
She’s already wearing her “It’s My Birthday” sash and a glitter pin that says “Aging Like a Fine HOA Violation.”

She walks into the kitchen.

DEBBIE (clearly fishing):
“What a lovely day to be born.”

TINA (groggy, in a sweatshirt that says ‘I’m Not Ignoring You, I’m Dissociating’):
“Yup. Wednesdays. Really something.”

Cue Debbie’s internal monologue, in dramatic voiceover:

“She forgot. She forgot. She forgot. This is emotional treason.”

Cue theme song, now with added birthday kazoo.

ACT 1: THE OFFENSE

Tina technically didn’t forget.
She just… doesn’t do birthdays.

TINA:
“Time is an illusion and aging is a societal construct.”

DEBBIE:
“And yet you celebrated your dog’s ‘Gotcha Day’ with a nine-course brunch!”

Debbie spends the day waiting for a surprise party that isn’t coming.
She makes increasingly passive-aggressive remarks like:

“Well, SOME people think a spreadsheet-themed scavenger hunt is ‘too much.’”

ACT 2: THE TENSION BUILDS

• Tina half-attempts to plan a party by googling “last-minute birthday ideas for emotionally dense roommates.”

• The only guest who shows up early is Kael, who’s just there for free juice.

• Debbie catches wind of Tina’s underwhelming effort and goes FULL meltdown mode.

DEBBIE:
“All I wanted was one day.
One day where people look at me and think,
‘Wow, that lady deserves cupcakes shaped like respect.’”

ACT 3: THE TURN

Tina leaves.

Debbie is crushed.
Sits alone at a sad little party table with a half-eaten jelly donut and a balloon that says “#1 Woman?”

Then the door creaks.

It’s Tina.

She walks in with a box.

Inside:
A handmade scrapbook titled “You’re Not the Worst, Actually.”

Inside are:

• Notes Tina never sent.

• A photo of the day they first met.

• A page that says:

  “You’re annoying. You’re controlling.
  But you never gave up on me.”

TINA:
“I don’t do birthdays.
But I do… you.”

Debbie tears up.

DEBBIE:
“…Fine. I forgive you.
But next year I want a flash mob.”

They hug.
The balloon pops.

Post-Credit Scene:

Donut appears behind them with a cake that glows ominously.

DONUT:
“I baked it with memory fragments.
She’ll never forget this birthday.”

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Season 3, Episode 4: “It Takes a Multiverse”

(aka: Tina Thinks She’s Pregnant)

Cold Open:

Tina walks into the kitchen in full radiant glow mode.

TINA:
“My aura is different today. I can feel it.
Also, I ate pickles and cried at a toaster commercial.
I think... I might be pregnant.”

Debbie drops her spoon and her emotional defenses.

DEBBIE:
“What.”

Cue theme song, but now with lullaby bells and a duck quack mobile.

ACT 1: PANIC & PREP

Tina is immediately in full Millennial Mom Mode™:

• Buys only wooden toys carved by witches

• Starts a mood board titled “Nonbinary Name Energy”

• Picks out names like Apple, Moon, Echo, Rhombus, and Chair

TINA:
“Chair is grounded. Chair is strong. Chair holds.”

She also insists her child will be raised without labels, gravity, or processed colors.

Debbie, meanwhile, is fully losing her mind.

DEBBIE:
“You’re not even sure you’re pregnant and you’re already signing it up for forest kindergarten?”

She tries to give Boomer Baby Tips™:

• Feed them Jell-O.

• Let them cry.

• If they eat glue, it’s called “building immunity.”

ACT 2: BATTLE OF THE PARENTING STYLES

Tina and Debbie try to co-prepare for the baby:

• Tina wants to knit a placenta blanket out of starlight.

• Debbie wants to laminate emergency contact forms and “toughen the kid up” with a book titled “Cry Quieter.”

They attend a Multiversal Pre-Parenting Class together.
It devolves into:

• Tina joining a womb-chanting circle.

• Debbie filing a noise complaint against the womb-chanting circle.

DEBBIE (to the instructor):
“I was born during a blackout and a tax audit and I turned out fine.”

ACT 3: THE REVEAL

Tina takes a test.

It’s negative.

She’s… not pregnant.

She sits.
Quiet.
Relieved… and a little disappointed.

Debbie sits beside her.

TINA:
“I don’t even know why I was so excited.
I can barely keep a plant alive.”

DEBBIE:
“Yeah, but if you ever do have a kid…
you’ll do fine.
Even if you name it Chair.”

TINA:
“Thank you.
And if you’re ever a grandma, you’ll be terrifying.”

DEBBIE:
“Good. That’s the job.”

They eat leftover mood pickles and laugh.

Post-Credit Scene:

Wendy walks in wearing a baby bonnet.

Stux is pushing Baby Quack in a stroller that is actually just a portal.

Donut hands Tina a note:

“You would’ve been an amazing mom. Just not yet.”

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We’ve got:

• Frackin’ fields as far as the eye can steal

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MOOTEXX OIL™ — We don’t spill. We bless.

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Season 3, Episode 12: “My Body, My Cult”

(aka: Tina Joins CrossFit & Goes Full Clean-Freak)

Cold Open:

Debbie opens the fridge to find:

• Kale

• MCT oil

• A single mason jar labeled “Gut Joy”

Tina walks in wearing leggings made of actual bark and a shirt that says:

“Pain is just weakness leaving your aura.”

DEBBIE:
“…Did you join a gang of chia seeds?”

TINA:
“It’s not a gang. It’s a lifestyle.”

Cue theme song with aggressive jump ropes and distant tofu screams.

ACT 1: THE SHIFT

Tina’s completely transformed:

• She’s doing burpees during conversations

• Wearing a weighted crown chakra band

• Carrying reusable protein sachets made from bamboo regrets

Debbie can’t eat in peace.

TINA (watching her eat toast):
“You know gluten slows down your intuition, right?”

DEBBIE:
“Good. My intuition keeps screaming.”

ACT 2: INTERVENTION IMPOSSIBLE

Tina starts hosting early morning accountability affirmations.
She brings Debbie to CrossFit.

COACH SHANE:
“Welcome to the Iron Temple.
Where we lift trauma and kettlebells.”

Debbie fakes a sprain after the warm-up.

DEBBIE:
“I pulled something. It’s called ‘my patience.’”

But Tina starts getting weirdly intense.

• Yells at a cucumber for being “emotionally wet.”

• Refers to her burpees as “cathartic shedding.”

• Claims she doesn’t even miss coffee anymore.
  (She screams into a pillow nightly, but insists it’s unrelated.)

ACT 3: CRACKED TOFU

Debbie finds Tina passed out next to a blender.
She’s crying softly to a playlist called “Cleanse Me, Spotify.”

TINA:
“I thought if I fixed my body, my heart would follow.
But now I’m hungry and my aura hates me.”

Debbie sits beside her with a waffle.

DEBBIE:
“You’re fine. You’ve always been fine.
But also… you need carbs.”

They split the waffle.
Tina breathes.

TINA:
“Can I keep the bark pants though?”

DEBBIE:
“Only if you stop calling quinoa ‘truth grain.’”

Final Scene:

They walk together.

Tina’s still carrying a green smoothie, but it’s silent.
That’s growth.

Debbie unwraps a candy bar with zero shame.

TINA:
“You know that’s basically poison, right?”

DEBBIE:
“…I’m counting on it.”

Post-Credit Scene:

Stux is in a gym, spotting Fox Sparrow on bench press.

STUX:
“Lift with your third eye.
Not your back.”

Leonard wears a sweatband.
Still doing nothing.
But glowing slightly.

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Season 4, Episode 1: “Attached at the Weird”

(aka: The Attachment Styles Episode)

Cold Open:

Tina walks in holding a self-diagnosis quiz titled:

“Which Abandonment Wound Are You?”

TINA:
“I took a test. I’m avoidant.”

Debbie closes her book titled: “Why Doesn’t Anyone Text Me First?”

DEBBIE:
“…Guess what I got.”

They stare at each other.

TINA:
“…We’re doomed, aren’t we?”

Cue theme song with a sad kazoo and echoing text notifications.

ACT 1: THE DIAGNOSIS

They try to “fix” it using wildly unhealthy coping strategies:

• Tina ghost-texts Debbie from the kitchen

• Debbie sends 47 passive-aggressive notes through the lizard tank

• Wendy finds Tina hiding under a weighted blanket fort named “The Independence Zone”

TINA:
“I just need space.”

DEBBIE:
“From the coffee table??”

Meanwhile, Donut slides them a pamphlet:

“Secure Attachment: A Journey Through Mutual Panic”

ACT 2: THE THERAPY SIMULATION

They attend a virtual therapy simulation run by AI ducks.

They are assigned roles:

• Tina plays “The Wall”

• Debbie plays “The Cling”

Every time Tina tries to run, a duck gently blocks her.

Every time Debbie clutches, a duck softly honks “breathe.”

They’re forced to act out emotional scenarios:

• “I need help but I’m afraid to ask.”

• “I care but I don’t want to scare you away.”

They both crack.

TINA:
“I run because I’m scared you’ll leave.”

DEBBIE:
“I cling because I’m scared you won’t stay.”

The ducks nod.
One honks approvingly.
Leonard sheds a single scale.

ACT 3: THE REPAIR

Back home, Tina makes tea.
Debbie sits at a respectful distance.

TINA:
“I’m here. I just… might flinch sometimes.”

DEBBIE:
“That’s okay.
I might check if you’re still here.
Sometimes too much.”

They both lean back.

Quiet.

Safe.

TINA:
“So… what’s it called when it’s not anxious or avoidant?”

DEBBIE:
“It’s called… secure.”

TINA:
“…Ew.”

They laugh.

Final Scene:

They build a new blanket fort together.
It has two doors.
And snacks in the middle.

Wendy guards the entrance.

Leonard is asleep in a shoebox labeled “Boundary Practice.”

Post-Credit Scene:

Stux wears a headset and leads a Zoom therapy group for ducks.

“Now remember, everyone: quack your truth, but don't bite the pond.”

Donut translates with subtitles.
No one understands them.