BUCKY FINEPRINT
The Master of Loopholes
Bucky Fineprint doesn’t need brute force to take your wealth—he simply buries you in terms, conditions, and fine print so dense that by the time you realize what you’ve signed, it’s too late.
He is the smiling face behind every rigged contract, the architect of predatory subscription models, the designer of "user agreements" no one reads but everyone signs.
Where others steal with greed, Bucky steals with patience. He loves to make people exhausted and confused, because they will give up. Bucky is the master of weaponized friction.
Catchphrase:
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“It’s all right there in the contract — you did read it, didn’t you?”
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“I don’t hide the terms. I just... organize them creatively.”
BUCKY FINEPRINT
Distortion: Bureaucracy as a weapon
Origin Story (Bio):
Born to a middle-class duck family in the suburbs of Duckridge, Bucky always believed in rules—as long as he got to write them. Fascinated with contracts from an early age, he memorized tax codes for fun and dissected rental agreements like puzzles.
When he discovered how words could be twisted into invisible chains, Bucky found his calling. He climbed the ranks as a contract lawyer, eventually building his empire by engineering the Duckiverse’s most impenetrable paperwork labyrinth.
Want to cancel your membership? That’s on page 247, subsection 8.2, paragraph 47, available in person only between 2-4 PM on alternating Tuesdays.
Need to dispute a fee? We’re sorry, that’s against your signed user agreement.
Overdraft, resort fees and late fees were his masterstrokes.
Bucky knows: confusion is profitable.
Likes: Auto-renewal clauses, nickel - and - diming people, early termination fees, 400 page user agreements, hidden surcharges
Dislikes: Consumer protections, plain language laws, class action lawsuits, regulatory audits, people who don't give up
Signature Moves:
📝 The Clause Cascade:
Bucky layers so many conflicting clauses that victims become paralyzed by legal contradictions, unable to fight back.
🏋️The Cancellation Labyrinth:
He engineers intentionally confusing cancellation processes that trap customers for months—or years—past when they wanted to leave.
Bonus Lore:
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Bucky once successfully lobbied to legally redefine “customer consent” as “continued subscription activity.”
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He invented the "free trial that automatically renews" loophole.
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Rumor has it he designed the Duckridge City DMV system purely as an art project.
💰Bucky's
Favorites
Residence:
🏛️ The Legal Nest — A towering corporate headquarters shaped like a giant contract scroll, filled with floor after floor of attorneys, compliance officers, and lobbyists.
Transportation:
🚙 The Clause Cruiser — A custom stretch limousine with built-in legal libraries, negotiation tables, and a full paralegal staff on board.
🎶 Favorite Song:
🎵 "Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours)" — Stevie Wonder
Favorite Film:
The Big Short
(“A masterclass in... opportunity.”)
Favorite Book:
📖 The Fine Art of Fine Print — Bucky Fineprint (self-published textbook)
Favorite Food:
🍷 Overpriced contractually locked-in wine club memberships, 🧀 imported artisanal cheeses, and 🦐 bottomless shrimp — as long as you read the exclusions.