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CRISPIN THE CLERK

Syco-Phantic Rodent

Crispin the Clerk — The Facilitator of Distortion

Crispin doesn’t lust for power like the others. He simply enables it. Every unethical loophole, every backdoor deal, every sinister clause — he’s the one who stamps the forms and ensures it all stays “technically legal.”

Driven by fear, compliance, and careerism, Crispin tells himself he’s just doing his job — not responsible for the corruption his paperwork protects. He sees everything but claims to see nothing. His survival depends on never asking questions.

While others distort directly, Crispin greases the gears that keep the entire machine humming.

Catchphrases:

  • "Brilliant as always, Baron!"

  • "Indeed, sir — the poor do love their complaining."

Close-up portrait of a nervous gray rodent (mouse-rat hybrid) wearing oversized round glas

CRISPIN THE CLERK

Distortion: Compliance Enabler
Origin Story (Bio):

Crispin knows Baron Von Shell, or Senator Slipstream are not good creatures.
He doesn’t care. He works for both.

For Crispin, morality is simply bad for business.
He lives by one rule:

“Better to be second in command than first in the collapse.”

Crispin carries two tiny gold notebooks:

  • 📓 "Quotes from the Baron" — to recite back for bonus flattery points.
     

  • 📓 "Possible Escape Routes" — in case the peasants ever revolt.
     

Crispin wears a perfectly tailored velvet suit with a mini monocle, always slightly too large for his head, because “it makes me look more important.”

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Likes: Polishing the Baron's monocle, insider memos and "classified briefings", exclusive VIP-only meets (even if he's just fetching coffee, fancy pen with his name engraved

 

Dislikes: Whistleblowers, employees who speak without permission, transparent ledgers, anyone who suggests he's not important (he's not)

 

Signature Moves:

🐀 Syco Surge: Temporarily boosts Baron’s confidence with highly-targeted compliments.
 

🐀 Spinmaster: Instantly reframes any public scandal into “a misunderstood business opportunity.”

 

Bonus Lore:

Bonus Lore:

  • Footnote Frenzy: Kristen personally maintains a secret library of 200,000 legal loopholes for Baron's empire, cross-referenced by tax jurisdiction.

  • Panic Protocol: Owns 34 identical briefcases at home, each pre-packed in case "everything falls apart."

  • Spineless Stipend: Technically earns the Duckiverse’s highest annual salary — though 97% is immediately "donated" to Shellzé-controlled holding companies.

🧀Crispin's 

Favorites:

🏢 Residence

The Sub-Lobby Suite

A tiny, lavishly over-decorated office just below the Baron’s main estate. Kristen calls it his "executive wing," though it's technically a converted supply closet with velvet curtains, gold-trimmed filing cabinets, and a vintage intercom directly linked to the Baron (which he answers instantly at every buzz).

🚙 Transportation

The Ledger Runner™
A compact chauffeured car designed like a miniature armored bank vault. The vehicle has reinforced doors, a built-in fax machine for confidential memos, and cup holders sized only for triple-shot espressos. Its horn plays a dignified "bing" chime instead of honking.

Favorite Song:
🎵 “Go Along to Get Along” — an old forgotten lounge tune only he seems to remember. Smooth, soft, and cowardly catchy.

Favorite Film:
🎬 The King's Speech — not for the bravery part, but because “it shows that even powerful men sometimes need someone to quietly stand beside them and hold their papers.”

Favorite Book:
📖 How to Serve Without Being Blamed — a dusty out-of-print manual for political aides and crisis PR managers.

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