CASSANDRA CROWE
The Distortion Engine
Cassandra Crowe is the Duckiverse’s queen of media manipulation. With a polished delivery and a piercing gaze, she transforms half-truths into headlines, speculation into fact, and panic into profit. Her network doesn’t exist to inform — it exists to generate attention. Drama sells. Fear sells faster.
While others argue over facts, Cassandra spins the narrative before the facts even arrive. She’s not a journalist. She’s an algorithm in feathers.
She will call anything "news" if the check clears.
Catchphrase:
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““If it bleeds it leads.”
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“We report facts here.... alternative facts.”
CASSANDRA CROWE
Distortion: Media Distortion
Origin Story (Bio):
Cassandra Crowe didn’t start as a reporter — she started as a performer. A small-time anchor reading traffic reports, she learned quickly that viewers didn’t tune in for accuracy; they tuned in for emotion.
As her star rose, so did her mastery of the distortion cycle:
Outrage ➔ Fear ➔ Distraction ➔ Repeat.
Her broadcast empire now reaches every corner of the Duckiverse. Stories are framed not for truth, but for clicks, trends, and sponsors. Interviews are edited for maximum conflict. Complex topics are reduced to polarized talking points. And every minor story becomes a breaking crisis.
She doesn’t lie outright — that would be too obvious. Instead, she leaves just enough ambiguity to let people create their own outrage.
In private, Cassandra refers to her empire as The Feed.
“It’s not about what’s true,” she once told Baron Von Shellzé.
“It’s about what gets shared.”
Likes: Breaking news graphics, Manufactured panel debates, Exclusive "anonymous" sources, crisis countdown clocks, sponsored think pieces disguised as journalism
Dislikes: Long form investigative reporting, context, nuance, quiet weeks, fact-checking, platforms with no monetization
Signature Moves:
🪶 Echo Chamber Burst — Amplifies selective information until it drowns out all nuance, creating artificial urgency.
🪶 Spin of Confusion — Rapidly changes narratives mid-sentence, leaving the audience chasing the newest headline before questioning the last one.
📺Bonus Lore:
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Cassandra was once offered a genuine position as a real Oracle but rejected it in favor of syndication rights.
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She secretly owns partial stakes in both the NewsNest Network and its official "opposition outlet" — controlling both sides while pretending they’re enemies.
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Keeps a private archive of stories that were never released, stored in locked red folders labeled:
"Too True for Airing"
🎤Cassandra's
Favorites:
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💎Residence: 🏙 The Glass Tower Broadcast Spire
A sleek skyscraper covered in shifting LED headlines, constantly updating across all dimensions of reality. The top floor penthouse doubles as her personal studio. -
🚊Transportation: 🚁 The Spin Chopper 24
A fully automated news-helicopter that circles indefinitely, streaming "breaking updates" whether or not anything is happening. -
🎵 Favorite Song:
"Dirty Laundry" — Don Henley
(She calls it “satire,” but it’s basically her business plan.) -
🎬 Favorite Film:
Nightcrawler
(She’s disturbingly inspired by the Jake Gyllenhaal character.) -
📖 Favorite Book:
Spin: The Art of Shaping the Narrative (banned in 7 districts) -
🍽 Favorite Food:
Luxury sushi platters — always eaten on-air during “serious” roundtable discussions. -
Bonus Detail:
Has an earpiece directly linked to trending algorithms — adjusts tone mid-broadcast based on live engagement data.