PROSPERUS
The Preacher
Prosperous the Preacher is the Duckiverse’s holy profiteer — a crocodile cloaked in scripture and designer suits. He promises salvation for a fee, trading genuine faith for prosperity slogans and private jets. His sermons soothe the guilty and enrich the powerful, all while reminding the audience that “abundance is just one seed offering away.”
Catchphrases:
“Can I get a honk-lujah?!”
"You can't outgive God - but you can sure try!"
PROSPERUS
Distortion: Sanctified Greed
Origin Story (Bio):
Prosperus once claimed to speak for the Flame—but somewhere along the way, he started charging admission. Now, cloaked in holy robes and crocodile tears, he slithers through the Swamps of Righteousness, selling salvation by the sermon and branding every duck who questions him as “a deceiver.”
He preaches loudly but listens never.
He baptizes with fear, exorcises with shame, and pockets the proceeds in gold-embroidered vestments.
His followers wear necklaces made of guilt.
His sermons always end with "And now pass the offering bowl again, brothers and sisters!"
He says the Pattern is sacred—but only his version.
And it costs extra to hear the “true” one.
Likes: Guilt, gold-plated chalices, thunderous applause, donation baskets, not paying taxes
Dislikes: Quiet truth, unprofitable miracles, ducks who read, honesty
Signature Moves:
💸The Tithing Wave: He swings his tail and hypnotizes weak-minded followers into showering him with praise and poorly-sourced doctrine.
😭Guiltquake: Crocodile tears rain down, causing spiritual confusion and temporary loss of discernment.
Bonus Lore:
🧳 The Exodus Suite
Prosperous maintains a secret luxury penthouse called The Exodus Suite — a private, jet-access-only hideaway equipped with gold-plated jacuzzis, designer suits, and a vault of rare anointing oils. It's decorated to look “humble” for livestream backdrops, but costs more per night than his entire congregation’s yearly income combined.
✝️Has actually never read the entire bible
♱Prosperus's
Favorites:
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Residence:
🏰 The Swampspire Cathedral™
A golden-roofed megamansion built on the bones of forgotten sermons, rising out of the Tithing Swamp. It features 37 chandeliers, an indoor baptismal waterfall, and a massive golden duck-shaped fountain that only spits holy water during fundraisers. -
Transportation:
🦅 Private Eagle One™
A massive, overworked eagle named Glorywing, outfitted with a velvet saddle, a platinum cross harness, and a small onboard sound system that loops Prosperus’s “Best Sermons (Vol. 4).”
Notable Luxury Feature:
He refers to his outdoor hot tub as “the Blessed Basin.” It’s just a swampy kiddie pool filled with anointing oil and microwaved communion wafers.
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Favorite Song:
🎵 “Jesus, Take the Wheel” — but only the Prosperity Gospel remix with an 808 beat.
(Bonus track he won’t admit to loving: Money for Nothing by Dire Straits.) -
Favorite Film:
🎬 Heaven Almighty — a fan edit where the crocodile wins the flood insurance scam. -
Favorite Book:
📖 The 12 Steps to Divine Profitability (self-authored, banned in 13 realms) -
Favorite Food:
🍖 Fried frog legs glazed in holy honey mustard (blessed, of course)
Bonus Detail: He only eats meals that have been tithed—meaning someone else must offer it first “in faith.” Will hiss if asked to split the bill.