STEVEN
Bureaucratic Guardian of Order
Steven is the Duckiverse’s tireless bureaucrat — a cinnamon-colored blob who believes every great cosmic story runs on properly filed paperwork. While others chase adventure, Steven chases missing forms, signature lines, and compliance codes. His devotion to order borders on ritual, but beneath the checklists is a weird sort of care for keeping everything (and everyone) in balance.
Catchphrases:
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“This form wasn’t filed properly.”
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“Actually, according to subsection 14B…”
STEVEN
Class: Bureaucrat of the Beyond / Cinnamon Warden
Origin Story (Bio):
Steven is not a duck. He is not a man. He is… a cinnamon blob. Slightly translucent, perpetually warm to the touch, and smelling like burnt holiday candles from a 2003 clearance bin at Bed Bath & Beyond, Steven emerged one day from a filing cabinet that wasn’t supposed to exist.
Nobody summoned him. He simply appeared with a clipboard, three pens (all blue), and a deep commitment to spiritual paperwork. If there’s a loophole in divine law, he’s read it. If someone’s broken the metaphysical code of conduct, he’s the one sighing heavily and filing the paperwork with a note that says “see subsection B.”
Steven takes his job very seriously — which is unfortunate, because his job mostly involves keeping Stux from triggering multiversal litigation. He's a stickler for the rules, but weirdly empathetic. He’s also the only one who’s ever dared to serve Seven an official “clarification request form” (it was politely declined… with fire).
He glides more than he walks. He hums Gregorian chants when focused. And despite being an eternal bureaucratic construct of unknown origin… he really likes lemon cake.
🎯 Likes:
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Filing cabinets with good feng shui
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Scented candles that match his aura
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Pointing out contradictions in ancient texts
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Writing “SEE ME” in red ink on divine margin notes
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Winning arguments via footnotes
🚫 Dislikes:
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Stux (but also… weirdly proud of him?)
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Smudged glyphs
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Illegible handwriting in sacred scrolls
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Unauthorized portal usage
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When people call him “Steve”
Signature Moves:
🖋️ Bureaucratic Barrage — Overwhelms opponents with stacks of paperwork, forcing them to comply or retreat.
📄 Margin Note Strike — Delivers cutting one-line corrections that destabilize complex plans.
🫧 STEVEN THE CINNAMON BLOB’S FAVORITES
🎵 Favorite Song:
“The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel
He listens to it daily. Sometimes hums it when photocopying forms that don’t exist. He doesn't understand the concept of karaoke, but he feels it.
🎬 Favorite Film:
“Inherit Vice”
You say it’s “boring”. Steven says it’s a misunderstood classic.
📖 Favorite Book:
“Fine Print”. Any fine print will do. Though he’s really partial to the licensing agreement for Microsoft Encarta ‘98. Oh, and the terms and conditions for an Olive Garden gift card from 2007. When you're here you’re family.
Favorite Food: Warm cinnamon rolls
Bonus Detail: Eats them while reciting obscure philosophy in a whisper.
“Science demands sacrifice,” he says.